We’ve all been in social situations that left us wishing that a distant relative would have a vague, but non life threatening emergency, so we could leave. Tact, decorum, & sheer awkwardness keep us sitting there. You never know who is going to end up at your next church function or as your boss ten years from now, so being plain rude is not an option. Why not switch the tables? Have some fun making the other person feel awkward. There is a fine line between letting someone know that you hate them & “they just don’t understand my special brand of quirkiness”. Here is how to lose any guy (or anyone else) in ten minutes. Let them feel awkward, uncomfortable, & wonder how to get out of there instead of you.
1. Make a high pitched humming noise. Insist that it is not coming from you, even though the noise stops when you open your mouth. Look around for said humming noise.
2. Check under the table for wiretaps. Grab the ketchup bottle & speak into it loudly.
3. Leave toilet paper hanging from your shoe. When the brave person finally gathers the courage to tell you about it, politely say you like it that way.
4. Grab each roll at dinner, take a bite & then put it back into the basket.
5. Look around at the other people with your best “Can you believe this guy” expression.
6. Have a teary break up scene no matter who you are with or how long you have known them.
7. Check your voicemail, mutter something about how your dog is calling again, & make a speedy exit.
8. Upon your return from the bathroom announce “There are no exits out of this place, I checked. Not even a window in the bathroom”
These would be a lot funnier if they weren’t my real life experiences. I guess if you did the opposite of these things, you would be able to keep someone’s interest for longer than 10 minutes, but who wants that? Other great “How To’s…”
Wednesday, 20. September 2006
Ha! I LOVE the teary breakup scene idea - Hysterical!!!
One day I accidentally spilled coffee down the front of my tan dress pants at work, then spent the rest of the day watching everyone I passed or talked to try and pretend they didn’t notice the dark brown outline of the African Continent on my lap. Too funny!
Thursday, 21. September 2006
Those are excellent ideas. Clever twist!
Got one for you…while waiting for table, make calls to your own home and then tell your date, “Nobody answers the phone. I wonder where [your name] is? I just hope nothing bad happens to her.” “On second thought, maybe I should go home and check if [your name] is okay?” Then you make the exit.
Thursday, 21. September 2006
Funny! I had a very similar theme in my ProBlogger post as well, but I think yours is better. Most of these ideas probably work in less than 10 minutes.
Thursday, 21. September 2006
Nice tips but I did something else. I went to the toilet and when I came back I didn’t know that my dress was stuck in my pants at my bottom and then proudly walked to the buffet during a Cocktail. So front wise I looked “normal” but the back side was nicer, the dress in my pants which everybody could admire and my legs as well. I have to admit that everybody was laughing and we had a lot of fun. Me included.
Thursday, 21. September 2006
Getting sick in the middle of the date helps…not planned, but it helped.
Thursday, 21. September 2006
Oh my these are great! Thank you for the uplifting laugh I just had.
Thursday, 21. September 2006
LOL!! What a fun list!! Our how-to is up as well if you’d like to check it out!!
Thursday, 21. September 2006
I am a pretty easy going guy. I like to have fun! Nice list! Nice contribution to the Group Writing Project. My How To is up also.
Thursday, 21. September 2006
This is awesome! I wish I could have been this clever on my bad dates! I am going to link to this in the post I’m writing tonight. Cheers!