We’ve all been in social situations that left us wishing that a distant relative would have a vague, but non life threatening emergency so we could leave. Tact, decorum, & sheer awkwardness keep us sitting there. You never know who is going to end up at your next church function or as your boss ten years from now so being plain rude is not an option. Why not switch the tables? Have some fun making the other person feel awkward. There is a fine line between letting someone know that you hate them & “they just don’t understand my special brand of quirkiness”. Here is how to lose any guy (or anyone else) in ten minutes. Let them feel awkward, uncomfortable, & wonder how to get out of there instead of you.
1. Make a high pitched humming noise. Insist that it is not coming from you, even though the noise stops when you open your mouth. Look around for said humming noise.
2. Check under the table for wiretaps. Grab the ketchup bottle & speak into it loudly.
3. Leave toilet paper hanging from your shoe. When the brave person finally gathers the courage to tell you about it, politely say you like it that way.
4. Grab each roll at dinner, take a bite & then put it back into the basket.
5. Look around at the other people with your best “Can you believe this guy” expression.
6. Have a teary break up scene no matter who you are with or how long you have known them.
7. Check your voicemail, mutter something about how your dog is calling again, & make a speedy exit.
8. Upon your return from the bathroom announce “There are no exits out of this place, I checked. Not even a window in the bathroom”
These would be a lot funnier if they weren’t my real life experiences. I guess if you did the opposite of these things, you would be able to keep someone’s interest for longer than 10 minutes, but who wants that? Other great “How To’s…”